Life After Loss

Good afternoon ramblers!

Today we are going to talk about a very hard topic so I will say take this as your *trigger warning*


Back in January we decided that we wanted to start trying for another baby. At the time we felt Louise was old enough that she would be okay and we wanted our kids to be close in age, as Riley and his sister are and myself and my sister are. With Louise it took us a little over 6 months to conceive so when we conceived on our first cycle we were both shocked! I knew right away I was pregnant, it was just like the first time; couldn’t stop sleeping, all I wanted were smoothies or milkshakes, and I cried….A LOT. So it was no surprise that we found out at 4 weeks pregnant, I believe I was that early along when I found out about Louise ( I must have some sixth sense haha)

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We were so over the moon. But that didn’t stop the lingering thoughts of ‘oh no what did we do’. I was filled with constant worry about Louise and would she feel neglected or the silly thoughts I’m sure every mom goes through the second time around ‘how can I love anything as much as I love my first born’. So my stress levels were high, but I tried to continue on as normal with my gym schedule and regular routine. I had just recently quit my full-time job so thankfully that stress was out of the picture! Looking back at this photo I feel so silly for taking a ‘4 weeks pregnant’ photo, I mean let’s get real that’s all tummy fat haha but another part of me will always cherish this photo because it’s the only photo I have of my short pregnancy.


On the morning of March 4th I awoke before Riley and Louise and felt wet down below. I’m not one to have accidents so I knew something was up. I rushed to the restroom and my pants and underwear were bloody. Now in the beginning of my pregnancy with Louise I had some pretty heavy bleeding due to a hemorrhage behind where she attached. But this time I knew it wasn’t that, I swear I could feel it in my soul. It was over. My baby who we already loved so much and never got to meet was gone. The only thought running through my head though was I didn’t want to wake anyone up. So I jump into a hot shower and cried. I couldn’t tell you how long I was in there but long enough for the hot water to run out. I couldn’t even cry anymore, it was like I had no more tears. But then I started feeling silly, I’m only 6 weeks pregnant it’s not even far enough along to mourn a loss (which is oh so wrong). So I got ready for the day and woke Riley up. I can’t remember exactly but I’m pretty sure all he got was a “I’m miscarrying.” Confused is an understatement and as the days have gone on I really wish I would have broke the news a little softer, after all he’s mourning a loss too. I will never know how excited he truly was or how often he thought about our new baby (I know it was on my mind daily those few short weeks).


I’ve never been the best at coping or showing my true emotions ( I blame the trauma of losing my father at a young age and no one really expressing their feelings about it). So I continued on with my ‘nothing is happening, I’m totally okay’ attitude and went to the gym. I know what you’re thinking, what is wrong with this chick?! I wish I knew the answer to that because it’s now over two months since my miscarriage and I’ll never understand why the gym was my answer. Maybe it’s because the gym is the only place I can really work on my emotions and feelings without actually having to say anything, who knows. So after that Riley and I decided okay we really should get me to the doctor. My OB got me in ASAP that morning and ran all the tests and did a pelvic exam to make sure nothing else was going on. She sent me on my way after a blood draw to see where my levels were at. So after leaving the doctors I was still in a numb state of mind and decided ‘hey nows a good time to go to Ikea and buy a new couch’, I mean really? So the day went on as normal as it could with no other talk of miscarriage.


The hardest part was watching my positive pregnancy tests turn negative. But the bleeding continued on pretty badly and I ended up finding myself late at night alone in the ER. I told Riley I was fine and to stay home with Louise because I didn’t feel it was right to keep a one year old up late in a germy place. But looking back I truly wish I had someone there with me. I sat alone for hours crying the loss of my baby. Doctors, nurses, patients all zooming by giving the odd glance. Until God sent me someone to help me. In comes the housekeeper. She asks me if it’s okay to come and tidy up a bit seeing as I’m in the middle of another crying fest. I say it’s fine because deep down I was tired of being alone. So for about 45 mins she talks, not expecting me to answer back. She tells me about her night, her job, herself, and then starts talking about her faith. She wasn’t prompted to do so and she had no idea what I was going through and never asked. But there I sat hearing God’s words and love pour through this stranger and I started to feel the healing process begin. It’s been over two months now and not a day goes by that I don’t think about this lady and what she did for me. I still keep my hospital bracelet in my bedside drawer as a reminder.


Two months have gone by and I’m slowly healing everyday. I still constantly wonder what did I do wrong? What caused this? In fact I cried to my husband the other day because it was supposed to be my 2-month bump date, and I’m sure more of those days will come. But I counter them with days filled with love and laughter of my daughter Louise, mornings alone to think and workout at the gym, going to church and thanking God for all he’s done for me and my family. Life after loss isn’t easy, I’ve had to do it way too many times for the short 25 years I’ve been here. But it does get better, you hurt less, you love more, and you never forget those who are gone. Going through a miscarriage is something I hope none of you ever face but if you unfortunately find yourself doing so or already have just know that the ones around you love you and though they may seem uncomfortable with the topic it’s okay to talk about it and your feelings and loss. Or if you need to my inbox is always open to listen or talk, let me be your cleaning lady! For now we have no plans of trying for another, we want to take this time to heal and love on our sweet first born a little bit longer. And I may never know why this happened but I know it made me and my marriage a little bit stronger!


Stay strong & stay rambling mamas!


the rambling mom


Guess who’s back?!

Good afternoon to my faithful followers who’ve stuck around and waited for more posts. Or if you’re new here, hello! Check out my previous get to know me posts!


So a lot has happened since my last blog post. Some good, a lot bad. Let’s start from the beginning. Last summer we were staying with my in-laws after my husband got out of the Marine Corps and I was a stay at home mom just trying to find my place and keep my sanity. At the end of August we decided to finally make the cross-country move to Ohio to be closer to my family. Blog post about our 7-day road trip coming soon!


We lived with my sister and her family for a couple months in a tiny apartment. I started working full-time again. Finally got our own place and I went back to being a stay at home mom. We’ve experienced Louise’s first steps, first birthday, first words, a pregnancy and a loss. A lot has happened but so much more is coming and I can’t wait to bring you all along with me for the ride! We have stories, how to’s, family hacks, toddler life, fitness, travel, and so much more!


Stay tuned and stay rambling mammas!


the rambling mom





Monday Coffee Chat

Good morning Mamas!

It’s the start of a new week and it’s time to enjoy our coffee before the little ones wake! The first ever coffee chat is going to be an uncomfortable topic to talk about but one that should be talked about (quite often actually).

Postpartum Depression & Anxiety. 

PPD affects more than 3 million women a year in the United States alone! And probably even way more due to those not recognizing the signs or those not able to get the help they need.

I am one of those 3 million cases.


In my case my PPD started actually during my pregnancy. For most of my life I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression and the doctors all warned me that I would be a high risk for PPD due to that. But what they never told us is that you CAN get it even before giving birth.

I spent most of my pregnancy in a constant state of panic. In my defense our pregnancy started off in a very bad state (but that’s a story for another time). I went through different stages of anxiety everyday; from worrying about the health of our daughter to the stress of if I’ll even be a good mom. My constant state of anxiety was never fully talked about, I was given a lot of “It’s all in your head” or “This is normal for first time moms” but it’s not! Pregnancy should be a happy time in your life and for me it was not and due to the extreme stress my body was under I ended up having to be induced at 38 weeks due to medical reasons.

I felt fine actually more than fine when Louise was finally here! I was so overwhelmed with love and excitement to be holding her in my arms and to see Riley as a father finally. But it was there. Looking back I can see it clear as day but we were blind in that moment. I didn’t want to hold her when she cried, I didn’t want to even try breastfeeding (which had been a goal of mine), I was lashing out on nurses and Riley. I just chalked it up to being tired and overwhelmed.

Thank god the military gave Riley 14 days off to be at home with us. While it wasn’t enough time it was what we needed. My amazing husband had been doing research of his own on signs and symptoms of PPD and was the first to catch onto it. It started out again with me just being extremely angry, I mean literally everything would set me off. The baby needed fed or changed, Riley even looking at me, or the dog coming near me. Then the depression came and it came hard. I didn’t get out of bed most days besides to use the restroom. I wasn’t eating, didn’t want even want to shower. I slept probably 20 of the 24 hours in a day, no joke.

I would cry over the smallest things. And even though I didn’t want to do much with our sweet baby girl I would be paranoid that she didn’t like me, that we weren’t bonding, and that would set me into a whole other depression. Finally Riley stepped in and made me make an appointment with my OB, he even drove me and respected my wishes of him staying in the car. We talked about everything under the sun, my midwife and I. From what my daily thoughts were like, to if I was getting enough sleep, and most importantly how I wanted to tackle this PPD.

We decided on putting me on a low dose of depression meds. They worked, for a bit. Now I must say at this part in my story: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROVIDER! PLEASE DO NOT TAKE MY OWN DOINGS AND REPEAT THEM. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE “HEALED” THE SAME WAY. AND ALWAYS TALK TO YOUR OWN DOCTOR FIRST. I like to try to live as natural as possible and stay off any kind of medication. So after talking with my husband and us going over what is best for myself, him, and our family I went off my meds. But life isn’t that simple so I must daily take time for my mental health and stay on my strict diet and herbal remedies. And yes, my PPD comes back here and there. But I truly believe it would have done that with meds as well.

But the point of me choosing PPD and anxiety as my first Monday coffee chat is to tell all you mamas out there struggling: HAVING POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOTHER!

Let me just repeat that one more time for all those who like to add their two cents into others personal lives…..


It okay to not be okay sometimes. It’s okay to need help from others. It’s okay to be overwhelmed by parenthood. and it’s okay to talk openly about your problems.

In fact for myself, talking openly about my postpartum, especially during my relapses, helps me more than anything else. And if you don’t have someone to talk to about it, I’m here for you! Always feel free to reach out in the comments, through personal DM on my facebook or instagram. Never be ashamed to ask for help.

So let’s go over some important facts about PPD:

Signs & Symptoms:

  • anger
  • anxiety
  • irritability
  • loss of interest in things you normally do
  • sleeping a lot or not sleeping at all
  • not wanting to be around baby
  • harmful thoughts to self or baby
  • unwanted thoughts
  • weight gain or loss
  • crying
  • restlessness
  • and so much more

To see a complete list of signs & symptoms head over to the Mayo Clinic site or speak to your physician.

*If you are experiencing any of these symptoms or think you may be suffering from PPD, please seek help immediately*

Naturals Remedies I use:

  • supplements (probiotic, magnesium, sam-e, fish oil)
  • diet (no processed food or caffeine)
  • journaling
  • personal development
  • taking long baths/showers
  • setting aside alone time for myself
  • talking to my husband about whats on my mind
  • therapy
  • CBD oil

So let’s open this up for discussion! Comment below anything you’d like to add, share your story, offer tips and help, whatever you’d like!

Enjoy your coffee and let’s get this week started!

Happy Monday 🙂



Travel Tips!

Impromptu trips……don’t you just love them?! But are the even possible once you have kids? Well I’m here to tell you, heck yeah they are! And this is how I did it:

On a random Thursday I decided to buy a ticket to fly home that Saturday, for only $98 how could I pass that up?! And of course if I’m going home then baby girl absolutely must come with to meet her family! Now I’m a veteran at flying; I’ve done it so many times I find it relaxing but flying with a baby?! And alone?! Who would do such a thing?!

Well I did and I survived! (with only being peed on and puked on once, so I consider it a major win)

Days leading up to the flight:

  • call airline and find out what items can be checked for free (most airlines will allow a car seat and stroller but it never hurts to see if a pack n play or other items are free as well)
  • make a list and check it twice! and three times! and heck even a fourth! Lists are your best friend for any type of travel.
  • only bring absolute necessities in diaper bag ( my complete list will be posted below)
  • spend lots of time loving on your significant other (especially if they aren’t traveling with you; I had Riley and Louise spend alone time together since they’ve never really been separated for this long)
  • start packing as soon as you can! Anything you won’t need in the next few days pack away! The more you pack the less you’ll stress later on #protip

What’s in my diaper bag:

  • diapers (remember you can never have too many of these)
  • wipes (one unopened packed worked for us)
  • blanket (perfect for layovers for baby to crawl/lay down in the connecting airport)
  • pacifier/pacifier clip (if baby won’t take a bottle during take off have them suck on a pacifier to help their little ears pop; and clips are perfect so paci’s don’t go missing during travel)
  • teether (if you have a baby in the teething stage)
  • toy/stuffed animal (keep it small but if they have a special item that soothes them it doesn’t hurt to bring it for comfort; remember this is all new for little baby)
  • bottles; I bought 3 (the amount depends on the length of flight & if any layovers to clean bottles mid-trip)
  • formula (how you bring formula is personal preference; I brought one unopened can and it made TSA faster & easier)
  • water bottle (TSA allows brining your own water for baby’s so save yourself some money at the airport & pack your own!)
  • Wallet with I.D.s & other important docs (always check ahead of time with your airline; example: united on my way to OH didn’t need anything for Louise but southwest on the way home to CA wants proof of age for her)
  • chargers for any electronics you bring ( I like to travel light so I only packed my phone but depending on age a tablet for baby might be a god send!)
  • EXTRA CLOTHES!!! for you and baby (I’m so glad a mommy friend shared this with me last minute cause Louise had two accidents while flying; I did an extra sleeper for her and an extra shirt for myself)

Might seem like a lot but this all fit into one backpack for me!


While Louise did have two accidents during flight she did sleep the whole time and didn’t cry so that makes me a pro right?!

  • carry car seat to gate for checking; if it’s not a full flight they may let you use it for your baby!
  • bring as much baby food/snacks/water as you need…..TSA can’t say no for baby!
  • (if of drinking age) enjoy a drink on flight and splurge on that wifi! It helped this mama relax
  • If possible fly late at night or earl in the morning during baby’s normal sleeping time
  • Most of all; DON’T STRESS! Easier said than done I know but I had so much help and offers for help from not only the flight attendants but also the passengers!


Louise and I have been loving our time with family here in Ohio but we are ready to brave the long flight home again and be reunited with Daddy!

**comment any tips or tricks you have for flying or let me know if any of these helped you out!**


Stay Rambling






Who is the rambling stay at home mom?

My name is Annie! I’m 25 years old and married to my amazing husband Riley ( who I usually call Bubba)

We have an (almost) 7 month old daughter named Louise Isabella

I’m currently a stay at home mom living in California, with plans to move our family back to Ohio next year! I enjoy working out and hiking during my free time

I have a totally awesome German shepherd named Atlas who is as tall as me when he stands!

I try to live an all natural lifestyle filled with positivity and peace! I plan to use this blog to show case my everyday life and share some mommy/natural living tips!

Spread the love!

Since I’m a new blog and don’t have any/many followers I’ve decided to do a giveaway to help spread my blogs name!

Once my blog hits 50 followers the giveaway will become active and I’ll post how to enter it. I will be giving away a few of my favorite mommy/baby items!

So give me a follow (new blog coming soon about flying with a baby for the first time) and spread my blog around to your friends!

Itzy Rotzy Silicon Teether

Goodnight Moon

Variety (3 pack) Que Bella facial masks

*contest only for US*

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

My name is Annie and I’m a 25 year old mother and married to the man of my dreams. Let me give you a little background on how I got where I’m at today!

In May of 2015 I decided leave my childhood home in Ohio to join the United States Navy as a Master-at-Arms (military police). With the MOS (job) I was given the option to do nuclear security with United States Marines. At the time I was single and newly turned 22 with my whole life and career ahead of me and trust me I so badly wanted a 20 year career in the military.

So with the opportunity to work with the Marines I was given the choice of either moving to Washington State or Georgia. My family so badly begged me to move to Georgia so they could be close and visit me often, but my intuition told me otherwise. I’ve always been a big believer on following your gut, so when mine told me to move to Washington State I did just that!


It was at this base that I met my now husband, Riley. He was a Marine working there as well. Since then we have dealt with him PCSing (moving to another base) while I stayed in WA, him leaving for deployment, our marriage, moving into our first home, having our beautiful daughter Louise Isabella (now 6 months old!) and him leaving the Marines and us moving again.

If you want to hear more about our past (and let me tell ya it’s a crazy story!) and what the future holds my little family give my little blog a chance and follow my crazy journey! Don’t worry it will be filled with plenty of ramblings!

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